To know me is to know that 1)I don't enjoy blogs without photos and 2) If it takes more than five minutes to read a post than I don't bother. So if you don't read through this I won't blame you, it's a book! However, I feel like putting this out there because it will be therapeutic for me. After a long, hard afternoon with Adam, my biggest worry and challenge, I read my scriptures and wrote in my journal. This is my entry:
The Lord definitely works in His way and in His time and for good reasons. Or maybe He works quite quickly and it's me whose slow. My bet is the problem is me.
This move has been quite difficult for me. I have not enjoyed my time with the kids at all. Molly and I do alright during the day but even she gets to be too much and I see a huge difference in her behavior as soon as Adam and Clarissa rejoin us.
There are behavorial patterns that I'll admit I have created and prepetuated. I'm not perfect. I've been lost and I've panicked and I'm very much ashamed. There are absolutely things I have said and done that do not represent the person I want to be. I have definitely been confused and lost, tossing through the waves of self help books. I've been hitting wall after frustrating wall desperately wanting to fix me and my parenting skills.
But here's the deal- my parenting skills are fine. They are actually quite good. All of those self help books paired with gospel principles and prayer have provided me with tools and techniques I need to raise a great bunch of children. I have all that I need, and understand very well, to raise a family to the Lord; a family who will cherish truth and goodness. These kids absolutely know the difference between right and wrong and will purposefully rebel. I don't suppose it is with malicious intent but with a now natural response to patterns. So, how do we break these patterns? How do I regain a sense of confidence in me to remember that I know what I'm doing?
Today I was so fed up with Adam that I just stopped talking to him. I completely ignored him. I hated being disconnected but it did change the way I tried to teach good bahavior. Not talking to him had me deal with his rudeness differently. The girls and I would simply walk away. It became more of teaching the girls how to handle these negative behaviors and less forcing Adam to be good. It became more of rewarding the girls for not letting his negativity effect their mood.
I've read a hundred times in D&C 121:41-44 just how I need to raise my children. (No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness and meekness, and by love unfeigned; by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul without hypocrisy, and without guile-reproving betimes with sharpness, when moved upon by the Holy Ghost; and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love toward him who thou hast reproved, lest he esteeem thee to be his enemy; that he may know that thy faithfulness is stronger than the cords of death.) But I've kept thinking- you don't have my kids who go out of their way to do the wrong thing. Or I would justify my harsh words because I need to reprove them at times. Or I would complain because they refuse to understand that their bad choices led to consequences they aren't happy with. In fact, they went into their actions already knowing what the consequence would be. Why they would choose that course of action is beyond me.
Hopefully a good first step was our FHE discussion we had tonight. Proverbs 6:23 (For the commandment is a lamp; and the law is light; and reproofs of instruction are the way of life)- keeping the commandments, maintaining the law is what brings light to our path. Getting in trouble for not doing what is right is just a normal part of life.
I feel for the first time since I've become a mother that it is all coming toether. That clear moment of understanding, knowing what direction I want to go in, feeling that stumbling blocks have been removed from my path is finally here. Although I realize it will be a long journey.
There will be consequences for inappropriate behavior. Allowance will be less- fines paid for bad behavior. And isolation. Trust has been broken and will take a long time to recover. And they will learn the hard way. Not brushing teeth properly causes cavities. Not bathing properly will not bring a lot of new friends. We will leave you to yourself if you're rude. Not having your homework done and organized will bring a bad grade.
I don't believe now is the time to apologize for my past mistakes. It may just arm them with more maipulative tools. But a day will come when they will be trusted again, when they will love to do what is right and they will feel good about their place in their family. Then I can sit down and talk about mistakes and apologize for all that I've done to keep us from moving forward much sooner.
Until that day my broken heart is being offered to the Lord. I'm so sorry that it has taken me so long to figure it all out and to hear what He has been trying to teach me. I'm so sorry for my wickedness and wrongdoing. I would have loved to have been that Mom that when my kids were all grown they would be able to say how much peace and love I had brought to their upbringing, never having raised my voice or spoken an unkind word. But that will never be the case. Instead I hope they can be proud to have a mother who could recognize her sins and show the way to repentance and let them know that there is no problem that can't be fixed with the Lord. And I hope that all our hurt will be healed.
4 Nephi 1:12-13
And they did not walk any more after the performances and ordinances of the law of Moses; but they did walk after the commandments which they had received from their Lord and their God, continuing in fasting and prayer, and in meeting together oft both to pray and to hear the word of the Lord; And it came to pass that there was no contention among all the people, in all the land; but there were mighty miracles wrought among the disciples of Jesus.
Tuesday, September 14, 2010
Saturday, September 11, 2010
The Bell Rings Again
I think most of you know already but just in case, let me announce to you now that we are expecting a new little Bell in February. We are very excited, mostly because we know it will be the last one. As it is, I cannot go into labor so I will be watched very carefully towards the end. The actual due date is Valentine's day but surgery will be scheduled for a date sooner than this. Please help my sister! She usually comes up with really cute nicknames for our expectant ones but has not succeeded this time. Adam was Taco Bell, Clarissa was Tinker Bell, Molly was Jingle Bell. What can we nickname this one? Because I'm sorry Kim, Bobby Bell is just not doing it for me : ) The only other bell I can think of is Silver Bell. If you can think of any other Bell type phrases, let me know and I'll pass it along to her. At the end of the month we'll have an ultrasound done and I'll let you know if we're having a boy or girl. Adam and Molly want a baby brother and Clarissa wants a baby sister. Someone is going to feel like a loser here in a few weeks. They usually take this stuff so hard, like I was personally trying to hurt their feelings. They're so goofy! Although something tells me that once the baby is born they won't care anymore. Well, maybe Adam, but then he'd just blame Clarissa if we have a girl since she was the first girl to ruin his life....
Our New Home
So here we are, in Hawaii, our new home for the next three years. I wish I could say I was excited about it but I'm just not feeling it yet. The people are nice. I have met some other parents at the school. The teachers seems to be really good for the kids. Our church ward is extremely small, (I'm actually playing the piano for RS right now : ) but very welcoming. I have no complaints, really. I think it has something to do with the fact that I'm so very tired of moving. It's hard to settle when you know that you'll have to pack up and do it again in just a few years. I'm sure I will feel better once everything is put into place. We have a pretty good routine going so that helps. And well, the school is so overwhelming with the amount of work they hand out. They have 7 hours less a week than what we are used to. And they seem to make up that extra day by sending the kids home with that much more work. If I wanted to homeschool them I would have for goodness sakes! We'll adjust, I know we will. But it's taking some time.
USO
We take the van to the port, we make sure everything is packed up just right, and we finally head out to the airport. We are there in plenty of time because the flight isn't until later in the afternoon. So where do military people go when waiting for their flights? Well, to the USO and I have to tell you it is absolutely the best place in the entire airport! This was my first experience and I will never wait in the airport like a sucker anymore! There was free food, free beverages, a movie room, homebaked snacks, girl scout cookies, place to recharge phones, games, video games, books, a play room, a nap room, etc..... It was delightful! It made waiting for our flight very easy. The kids had a great time and I enjoyed the chance to sit back and relax after the stress of getting everything checked in.Dodgers Game
We love LA! We couldn't end our vacation without experiencing a MLB game! It was a lot of fun. And thanks to Jet Blue, all drinks were upgraded to an extra large for the price of the large : ) We were sure to take out a small loan so we could enjoy the Dodger dogs, fries, the ice cream, cotton candy and what nots. (And so cool, they had veggie dogs and they were quite delish!) Now I'll be honest with you. I have to admit that I enjoyed going to the Columbia Blowfish games a lot more. There are a lot more family fun activities at one of their games. But there were some really awesome plays that you can only see at the professional level. The greatest actually happened during our game. There were in extra innings, score tied, bases loaded, and yep! Dodgers player, scored an amazing homerun to win the game. Of course I was stuck in the bathroom with Molly and missed the whole thing but Adam saw it and he thought it was great!
The Grand Canyon
I had asked to stop and see the Grand Canyon before we moved on to California. I absoultely loved it! I could have stayed and hiked all day. It is so breathtaking! I can't wait to go back with my Dad so we can hike through the canyon. I'd take Todd but well, he's extremely fearful of heights. He did really well in the morning. Although at one point I had to explain to the kids to ignore their father's tone of voice because what they were hearing was his anxiety. He was close to not making it fun for anyone. So then they did what they could to help him feel better still have fun. In the afternoon we tried some of the unpaved trails and it didn't go so well. He just couldn't take it for very long. But he hung in there for a lot longer than I thought he would. It is a fun place and there are a lot of things for the kids to enjoy. It was definitely worth the stop.
Getting Stuck
Just little side note....it never fails. Whenever we go on long trips, Adam always manages a way to get himself wrapped up and stuck in his seatbelt. We had to laugh to keep ourselves from yelling at him. Because honestly, we did not want to cut the belt off. That is just too expensive to replace. We pulled over and Todd was able to tell him how to twist and move around to get unwrapped from the evil seatbelt. He's such a goof!
Our Trek West
After all the family visits, it was finally time to start traveling west. Oh well wait, I had to make just one more stop. Todd was such a good sport because he was anxious to get on the road. But then again, he loves this family just as much as the rest of us do. This was my go-to-girl in Columbia. She is the best VT companion I've ever had and our kids always played so nicely together. Well, unless you take a certain somebody's Pooh Bear, then he'll punch you right in the face : ) We had a really nice visit. We were able to see the new baby girl, which is absolutely adorable! And then of course the birth of new babies gets us started on all the birth stories and comparative what nots that go along with it. And Todd just sat there and listened so politely : ) Well, until he was called away to fight with light sabers. We couldn't stay long but it was just what we needed to energize ourselves for the big trip. Making sure we stayed in hotels that had swimming pools, the trip was very nice. Some fighting but the kids did work hard to get along. There was a lot of complaining but the day always ended with a relaxing trip to the pool. (Even if some of the pools were a bit dirty...we didn't let it stop us.) We were determined to have some fun. Visit to Illinois
It's embarrassing to say how long ago we traveled to Illinois to visit our loved ones there. I couldn't remember hardly anything at all if that helps give any clues. My dearest friend Gaye is still alive and well there. It was so wonderful to see her again! She looks amazing and she is so happy. I was also thrilled to visit the Maloys. They used to live directly below us when we lived in our apartment there all those many years ago. Baby Logan isn't a baby anymore : ( In fact, he just turned 14!! (More clues...) They are a great family! I would move back to IL and be their neighbors just to go somewhere and laugh until my sides hurt! We finished our trip there to see Todd's Dad and his wife. The girls have never met them before. (Even more clues!) He has a beautiful garden that Clarissa absolutely loved. June took very good care to make them so comfortable there. It was hard to say goodbye. We were so happy to see them again!Fun Times in Ohio
Gaby Survives the Trip
Our poor kitty does not like to move. She hates to travel in the car even more. She meowed most of the trip from Charleston to Dresden. She did finally settle down. But then again, her throat could have just been sore from all the noise she made. We had taken all the necessary steps to prepare her to go to Hawaii with us. (And there are a lot of steps that we needed to take!) But then at the last minute we decided to ask Mom if she would be willing to take care of her for the next three years. It was getting to be very, very expensive. We were going to travel across the country for two weeks and then have to stay in a hotel in Hawaii for another 2-3 weeks. We were having a hard time finding hotels that would allow our family of five to stay in one room, let alone a cat too! We are very grateful that Mom said yes, THANKS MOM! The girls really miss her a lot. Molly will ask for her just about every day. Even Todd mentioned that he was sad when he came home, opened the office door but didn't see Gaby sitting on the chair waiting for him. She is a good kitty. (But I don't miss the litter box!)
Clarissa's Surprise Party
We can't leave Columbia without having a birthday party for Clarissa. I know it was a little early but she was concerned about what she would do while in Hawaii. She wouldn't have her friends with her and she didn't know if she would have new friends yet. Oh and she said she wanted it to be a surprise party. So we surprised her with a few friends to come over for cake and ice cream. I thought they could play some outside games or run in the sprinkler but as it turned out, it was too stinkin' hot. So they stayed inside and played with the new coloring pages she got from Cammi and the new zhu zhu pets. They girls had a lot of fun. And the older brothers all hung out too. I was glad to do this for her because as it turned out, she had just started school a couple of days before her birthday, we were still staying in the hotel room, and there was no way to have a special party for her. But she received a special lei from Daddy, we took her out to eat, and she got to stay up and watch one of her new favorite shows, "Dual Survivors". She had a happy day at school too. She took in fruit roll ups to share with the class and they were all loving her that day : )
Our Last Week in Columbia
This was absolutely one of the easiest move outs I have ever experienced. I purposefully wanted our things to be cleared out before we left because I wanted to make it easier on the cleaning process. (Although the movers had me very stressed. This company is horrible by the way. (Best Forwarding is not the best at all.) They didn't not wrap up the furniture, the TV did not go into a box, they didn't box the mattresses, and they were tossing items on the truck carelessly. I was a nervous wreck the entire time we were seperated from our belongings. We don't have a the best items, and it's because of the frequent moves, but still, you don't like to see your things be treated so wrecklessly.) Anyhow, I was able to make the move out even easier when I decided to hire Laurie Titus' Sunflower cleaning company to come and do the work for me. They did a fabulous job and I got to sit at the pool with the kids while her employee did the work. And then at the last minute my steam cleaner bailed on me and thank you Brenda for recommending the Scrub Doctor out in Blythewood. He was fenomenal! We received all of our deposit money back thanks to these professionals! I am also grateful for Heather, Rhonda, and Stefanie that kept the kids for me as I kept my eye on the movers. (Although it may have been better not to see what they were doing...) After all the work was done, we camped out in the empty house. The kids always think it is fun. But we've decided that we hate air mattresses.
Paul Mitchel Pampering
There were a lot of things we wanted to do before we left. Getting pampered at Paul Mitchell "the School" was one of those things on our list. I enjoyed the stylist that had been working with me and the kids were in desperate need of some care as well. They did a really great job! I don't have any pictures of my hair. Cliff took pictures though : ) I don't think he graduates for another month or so. Ask for Cliff if you want a great hair style. He knows how to listen to his clients.
A New Home for the Gerbils
I thought for sure that we would have to take our beloved Terrance and Blaster back to the pet store. Of course they couldn't travel overseas with us and no one in Ohio wanted them. (They just didn't get to see firsthand just how lovely they are.) But then, the Griffin family came to their rescue. We feel so comforted knowing that they are safe and cared for. From the updates I've received, they've been allowed to roam around, thanks to Jace : ) but that they are a lot of fun. We made sure we gave them one last snuggle before leaving them in such good care. Thanks guys!Last Trip to Georgia
I feel really bad that I didn't make better use of our close proximity to the Adamskis while in Columbia. But before we left, we made one more trip. Adam loves to go fishing with Eric and the girls love to swing on the tree. We had a really great time hanging out with them before we moved. It's your turn to come visit us : ) Come hang out anytime you want!!
Scout Camp
I was sure to let Todd know that there was absolutely no way at all that I would be able to go forward with our move until AFTER cub scout camp was over. I had every intention to spend each day, all day there doing fun things with the boys. I was den leader for Adam's den and we had a really great time. They always did a great amount of work towards his Webelos badge so I was quite pleased with the agenda. The boys decided to name themselves "Ninjas" and they made a giant "Robot Ninja 3000" from recycled items. It was a lot of fun. I was even invited to learn how to shoot a BB gun. (Not that I did very well.) It was a great way to end our stay in Columbia, SC.
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